The truth is, I blamed God for most of my life. It’s easier to feel owed than owned. I was taught to fear Him more than to love Him and with that, I expected a reward for being good. It wasn’t enough what He has given me, because what he gave me, he gave to all with no exception. I didn’t often reflect on myself when it came to that. I saw the world in black and white when it should be in grayscale. It feels almost impossible to shake off that kind of mindset and I knew that in order for me to rebuild my relationship with God, I needed to deconstruct the ideas that are built in me. The beliefs that my parents so carefully carved and my environment supported.