If I Was A Child Again
Someone asked me today what would I have done differently if I went back in time and became a kid again. I couldn’t answer the question cause I would do everything the same. It’s hard for me to reflect on the past without looking at myself today and what I have become. I didn’t have the best childhood but who’s to say what’s best? I tried to think further into it. Create a less boring answer. I find myself more and more leaning towards rejecting the idea. As if it would have created a difference if I had a happier childhood. I know too much of the world to know that anything I’d do differently, the mental attitude of society would ultimately destroy it. I don’t mean to be dystopian. I don’t know why I can’t imagine it anymore. I can’t imagine a world where I am gullible and fragile. Staring at the world through the spec of a child. I remember hating myself for being naive. I remember the times I was fooled into believing that people are naturally good at heart. That the world rewards the good I give. It’s not a cause-effect situation. Sometimes things happen for no reason. It’s been engraved in my brain. I wish to believe otherwise. I am still learning to become less bitter. I wear my smile half-wittedly. I know that I can be quite transparent. I know it’s difficult to digest. For people to adjust themselves to my pace. But I’ve always admired air. It’s grave necessity. The lightness of it. It’s all around you but it does not suffocate you. It gives you all the space you need to breathe. I guess at times I am a kid.. for the wonders in me. It’s not the generic kid you see on TV; playing bicycle and hanging out with friends . It’s seeing the world anew. As if you were born today.